Overwhelmed

If I had a word to describe how I felt 95% of the time overwhelmed would be it. Between searching for a new job to bide my time until I find the next stepping stone in my career or and trying to decide if I want to bite the bullet and pursue a Masters degree, I find myself wanting to just hit pause more often than not. I'm a control freak and I cannot stand not knowing what's next. Being in this constant state of limbo is driving me insane.

Every day I wake up and check my e-mail to look for replies from the million and one jobs I've applied to only to find daily e-mails from Kate Spade, J. Crew, and a thousand other overbearing retailers. During the day every time my phone vibrates for my e-mail alert I get a huge lump in my throat as I check it hoping it's regarding a position I've applied for. When I find that it's just another e-mail from Pinterest saying someone has repinned something, a little part of me sinks. If only I was as popular in real life as I was on Pinterest...

I'm at this weird crossroad where, for the first time, I don't know what I want. Actually - that's a lie. I do know what I want but I feel, and have been proven time and time again, that it's just not going to happen right now. I want to work in politics and I want to work in DC. Ever since my 4th grade class took a trip to DC, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that is where I wanted to live and work.

Yet I'm in Boston. A month unemployed. Going a little crazier every day because I just don't know what comes next.

Post-Collegiate Life

I went to a pricey liberal arts school and got my bachelors degree over a year ago. And what do I have to show for it? A $160,000 piece of paper that is still rolled up in the tube it was given to me in. I haven't even bothered to put it in a frame yet. Mostly because right around the time I graduated, I changed living situations and didn't have a frame to put it in, much less a wall to hang it on.

Do I feel college totally prepared me for life in the Real World? Absolutely not. Have I used my undergraduate degree in any of my career ventures since then? Nope. I have a bachelors in International Relations yet all of my professional experience is in domestic politics. The only thing my BA in IR enables me to do is understand the BBC daily feed and understand the impending meltdown of the EMF zone and subsequently the hit the EU will take, why they are fighting in the Middle East, and the difference between a Third World Country and a Lesser Developed Country. 

For the record, a Third World Country is a term coined in the World War II era that described a country that did not align with the Axis or Allied forces. A Lesser Developed Country is a country with poor infrastructure and is essentially all of those countries you see those "save the children" midnight infomercials on. 

Pretty useful, no? Obviously.

My BA has been relevant to one job interview I've had (and did not end up getting). Other than that, I consider my knowledge of all things internationally and politically inclined to be as useful as a coffee table photography book of kittens and puppies. I don't use it everyday. When I try to engage in conversations about subjects of that nature it either goes over everyone's head (sorry not sorry, international affairs is not everyone's cup of tea) or they are just flat out not interested. 

It's becoming painfully apparent that I need a Masters degree to be taken seriously in my career field. File that under "Things You Wish You Knew In Undergrad". 

Fake it 'til You Make It

I remember sitting around as a child and waiting for the day that I would be an adult. A real, on my own, eat only the marshmallows in Lucky Charms without getting yelled at, adult. I used to joke that you got this memo on your 18th birthday that divulged everything you possibly needed to know to be an adult.

I didn't get that memo. In fact, I spent the majority of the next few years waiting for that magic moment where it would all make sense. My 19th birthday came and went: nothing. I bought my first car: zilch. 21st birthday drank away: nothing the next morning but a brutal hangover. College graduation: all I got was a piece of paper worth $160,000 and the realization that I was being thrown kicking and screaming into a whole new world that I didn't feel prepared for at all.

I definitely expected to be further along in my so-called "life aspirations" by now. It's been one year since I graduated from college. While I have accomplished some pretty neat things in my post collegiate life, I'm nowhere near where I thought I'd be. And I'm definitely nowhere near feeling like a real adult.

While I'm told that my resume is fabulous, that I've accomplished more at 23 than most people do by the time they are 30, I cannot shake the feeling that it's nowhere close to being good enough. This feeling isn't helped by the fact I've been unemployed for an entire month but I digress. I feel like I'm fooling everyone; that I'm not really as talented as everyone thinks that I am and faking it until I make it.

Truth of the matter here is I am still learning so much about myself and what I'm capable of. I bounce back and forth between kicking myself for not doing better in undergrad, for not going to graduate school/law school right out of undergrad so I could put off this existentialist crisis for a little while longer and just enjoying the ride and being optimistic that somehow everything will work itself out.

I've come to the conclusion that being a real adult isn't about living on your own, paying your own bills, or eating dessert before dinner without consequence. Being an adult is the acknowledgement that you are accountable for your actions, or lack thereof. It's the satisfaction you feel after doing something 100% on your own. Whether it be acing a project at work, paying off a debt, moving to a new city where you know no one, etc. Adulthood is not a status, it is a state of mind.

Who knows what the next few months will bring for me? I don't even know what tomorrow will bring. The only thing I know that I can do is keep my head up and power through. Twenty-three has been such an awkward age. 

Changes

So much has happened in the past year. It's literally been over a year since I posted on this blog. But now I'm going through changes in my life that a year ago I didn't think would ever happen. I worked on Barack Obama's reelection campaign very shortly after I stopped blogging on this blog. I spent four months of my life dedicated to winning the November 2012 election. And guess what? We did it. I met some very amazing people (one of which just happens to be pretty special to me and the entire reason why I moved to Boston, but I'll get to that shortly) and we did some pretty amazing things for Southwest Virginia. I slept (and many of my co-workers) slept on the couch in my office, we entered data for hours, yet we were family.

And I definitely met Joe Biden. He tots kissed me on the forehead too.

To even attempt to rehash the last year of my life in one blog post would be nearly impossible. So many emotions, events, new friends, new homes..


Speaking of new homes: I moved to Boston in February.

 Right before the Nemo blizzard. The day before in fact. Talk about timing, huh? I moved to work for a Senate special election candidate on his finance team. We lost, so if you pay attention to Massachusetts politics you'll know who I worked for. And I experienced the Boston Marathon bombing crisis right along with the rest of Boston and, after battling extreme homesickness, I finally felt at home when I experienced the sense of community and coming together that happened in Boston post-manhunt.



So yeah, to say that the last year has been full of changes would not be a crazy statement. I am restarting this blog mostly for myself, because I can't quite seem to figure myself out after all of these changes. But then again, I am 23. I have a lot more changing left to do.

Life updates

I have been a very bad blogger recently. This May Term class is pretty intensive with required readings and literally lasts all day so I don't have too much extra time.

However, I did interview today for my first Big Girl Job and will know by the end of next week if I make it to the in person interview located in Raleigh, North Carolina. I'll greatly appreciate any and all good thoughts for these upcoming weeks.

Business cards

Whilst attending an event welcoming TVP into the Roanoke area, I rubbed elbows and networked with many prominent people within the Democratic Party in the Roanoke area. Halfway through, I was speaking with a potential political candidate about running his campaign and he asked if I had a card. A business card? Why would a recent unemployed graduate need a business card?! I can't believe I didn't have anything to give him.

It made me realize that while I have an amazing resume, I can't carry it around with me all the time. My business card is a chance for me to leave a lasting impression on someone.

Picking out a design for a business card isn't easy at all. I love the minimalist look but yet want to stand out amongst the others in a Rolodex.

 I will be marketing my blog on these cards as well so I am waiting to print them until I have bought my domain name but I am so excited! Chris, you'll have to work extra hard on my layout when you get back from Seattle.

Decrease the crazy

Tomorrow morning I will begin my final class at Roanoke College. I was able to walk during graduation but still had to complete my three week long May Term seminar course and will obtain my final degree in August. I'm taking it with a favorite professor (also my academic advisor) and even though the subject material is a little dull I know how he grades so I am comfortable with taking this intense course.

What's our seminar about? We're examining the Cold War and how it is portrayed in film. Basically, every day we watch a movie relating to the Cold War and have a discussion about it. I'm excited to only have one course to concentrate on and I'd love to pull an A out of this! My GPA sure needs it.

Academically, so much is going on for me. I'm bouncing back and forth between a Master's and pursing law school. I attended an event for TVP the other night and rubbed elbows with a few prominent Roanoke area lawyers and gained some great advice. I also got an impressive list of contacts and sent my resume to a few of them already.

Whew. Life is so crazy and here I thought graduating college would decrease the level of crazy.