Overwhelmed

If I had a word to describe how I felt 95% of the time overwhelmed would be it. Between searching for a new job to bide my time until I find the next stepping stone in my career or and trying to decide if I want to bite the bullet and pursue a Masters degree, I find myself wanting to just hit pause more often than not. I'm a control freak and I cannot stand not knowing what's next. Being in this constant state of limbo is driving me insane.

Every day I wake up and check my e-mail to look for replies from the million and one jobs I've applied to only to find daily e-mails from Kate Spade, J. Crew, and a thousand other overbearing retailers. During the day every time my phone vibrates for my e-mail alert I get a huge lump in my throat as I check it hoping it's regarding a position I've applied for. When I find that it's just another e-mail from Pinterest saying someone has repinned something, a little part of me sinks. If only I was as popular in real life as I was on Pinterest...

I'm at this weird crossroad where, for the first time, I don't know what I want. Actually - that's a lie. I do know what I want but I feel, and have been proven time and time again, that it's just not going to happen right now. I want to work in politics and I want to work in DC. Ever since my 4th grade class took a trip to DC, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that is where I wanted to live and work.

Yet I'm in Boston. A month unemployed. Going a little crazier every day because I just don't know what comes next.